An issue (part.2)....

I guess the scary part in all this is that's just the surface......

There's a much, much deeper issue here.

I long to be loved. I long for my father to be the father I've always wanted. Perfect. (At least perfect for me).

I mean I know. God ordained him to be my father for reasons far greater than I can understand. I'm just saying that I never really had that "Daddies little girl" relationship with him. Not to the point I longed and still long for.


I want to be able to talk to him



I want to be able to talk to him and not feel stupid.


I want to be able to talk to him and not feel like what I've got to say doesn't really matter.

I want to feel like I matter.


I want to feel like he's glad he had me. and not think he'd rather have someone else as his daughter.


I want to be hugged...


I want to be told I'm beautiful,
not too fat, not too slow., not too shy. not too Americanized, not too any of that.


but I do...





WOW I'm seeing it. these things right here. This is the way I feel toward everybody.

Like I'm not good enough.

So much insecurity wrecks my mind.
leaves me feeling bitter, lonely, afraid, depressed, and ANGRY. that's why I'm so angry or frustrated.



because of all this pain.





because my heart is still longing


I know in my head that man can never for fill the longing in out heart to be loved. Not totally, But God can. I just don't know why I can't just give it over to God and let him love me

Maybe because it's a process. Maybe because there needs to be some closure between me and my father. Especially before i get into all this moving out business. I'm not sure. Lord thank you for opening my mind and heart. Help me to follow you and give you my heart so you can heal all the pain.


And of course this is not all about me. I think many people, dudes and dudetts need to realize what's going on. And need to realize Jesus is the answer. :)