My therapy: Introspection

I've been thinking about who I am and how to describe myself. Introspection. I'm going to try to be honest here. Brutally honest. Yikes.

I'm the kinda person who:

*Thinks a lot, but the whole doing part... not as much.

*Needs to be alone sometimes

*Loves to do list but hates them if they get too long.

*Is really emotional.

*Tries to hide their emotions. Keeping it all tucked away inside unfortunately tends to BACKFIRE.

Why do it then?...

As dumb as it may sound: so I don't have to deal with the reaction to my reaction.

All part of the over thinking thing.


Instead of the usual _____ happens then I react with ______ emotion.

It's _____ happens then I feel the emotion but then I do my best to block it and portray nothing or something other than the original emotion. Thus allowing me to have a level of influence over the other's expected reaction to my reaction.

I just find it interesting because some people don't have this system of thinking. Thinking ahead basically. but that's not a bad thing. Even though I try to think ahead I can still guess wrong and my strategy flat out fails.

haha this is coming out weird. Im sure Im making it way too complicated.

I'm not trying to carry out any diabolical schemes. I'm just constantly strategizing. Not just with people but life in general. Even though I don't really know what to do I try to plan it out all the time.

That's another reason I need Jesus. Planning can be great and helpful but as a human I stray off the master plan God has for me.

I want a mind that is more at ease. Rather than putting so much effort into plans. It's a set-up for stress and disappointment whenever things go haywire and LIFE happens :)

*Doesn't like conflict. In the moment I might think gerrrr they blah blah but I try to let it go. The Backfire part would be if the issue rears it's head again and again and again. That's when I start to lose it little by little.


*Who misses the time when life was simpler.

*who not many people really know. I don't say much because I think "they probably don't care what i have to say, its probably gunna be dumb to them, it's probably not worth saying" this, this thought comes way to often and this thought is depressing. It goes away when I feel like I've connected with someone or it looks like they're really into the conversation, which doesn't happen that often.

but thats life i guess...


but too much suppression in too many ways, especially the important ones. Leads to big issues.


See these (and many other) sides of me really need clean up work
God can do that. I just got to let him in.


We all do. In our own ways.


I want to look at my self differently. The way God wants me to. I've longed for that for a LONG time.

.